


If I Never See You Again

by Iwillbestrong97



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Breast cancer, Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, Platonic Relationships, Trigger Warning: Cancer, everything is platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 15:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18013208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwillbestrong97/pseuds/Iwillbestrong97
Summary: Request: a one shot where the reader has been diagnosed with Cancer. While in the middle of a tour, the reader works closely with the boys and is struggling. They notice, but the reader won't talk. Finally, one night, scared and a little defeated she confides in Patrick and together they tell the other guys?





	If I Never See You Again

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies if things aren’t totally accurate.

Sunlight streamed through the blinds on the bus. Damn thing. Sometimes it really was a pain in the ass to travel all the time. I sat up slowly and reached up to feel the side of my breast. I frowned at the small lump that had appeared a few months ago.

Breast cancer ran in my family but it’s still something that you never think will happen to you. I had been going to the doctor to hear treatment options but anything short of cutting it off probably wouldn’t work.

Despite that, I was supposed to start chemo once I got home from this road trip. A road trip involving thousands of screaming fans for one of the biggest alternative bands of the past two decades.

They didn’t know of course. If they did, they probably wouldn’t have let me come with them. But being diagnosed with a disease that might kill you kind of puts things into perspective. I don’t want to spend all my time in hospital beds with people poking at me. Was that so wrong?

I picked up my phone to check the time. Shit. I was late for setup. I rushed to put on real clothes. I only glanced in the mirror and determined that my hair was fine. Just pull it back. I grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it over my head as I hurried over to the venue. I knocked on the door, hoping they wouldn’t fire me. Patrick stood there with an eyebrow raised and hiding a laugh.

“Shut up. I look like shit. I know.” He stepped to the side and chuckled.

“I wasn’t going to say that,” he said, trailing off.

“Morning princess!” Pete stood just inside, waiting on Patrick. “Someone just woke up I see?” I glared at him. I was lucky they were here and not the director.

“Yea. Thanks for opening the door but I gotta run. I’m probably already in trouble.” They nodded and waved as I rushed off. My left breast ached slightly but nothing too serious. At least I hoped not. There probably wasn’t a specialist office nearby.

I snuck into the storage where we moved everything when we got here late last night. There were still a few power sets left for me to grab. I rolled a cart over and started lifting them onto the bed.

“If you had been here on time, you would know that those got broken in transport yesterday.” I jumped at the director’s voice. I spun to face him.

“I’m really very sorry. Is there something else you want me to do?” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking back at me.

I hated that look. One of pity. Of course, he knew what I had been diagnosed with. I just didn’t want to be viewed as useless and then let go. That wasn’t legal I guess but that doesn’t stop it from happening.

“As much as I want to help you, you can’t be late. They’re setting up some wiring on the catwalk. Go there.” I nodded and rushed off. So, this was the kind of day it was going to be…

-

“Hey! Get out of the way! Are you crazy, why are you standing there,” Someone yelled. It came from main stage where they were moving around some of the larger speakers. They could easily kill someone if dropped.

“Speaking of, why don’t you pay attention, Y/N?” I looked back at what I was doing and tugged on some of the wires. It came loose pretty quickly. Whoever tied this clearly didn’t know what they were doing.

“This one needs to be refastened! It’s way loose,” I called back to the leader of the group. He groaned in frustration and walked off to find the person tying off the wire.

I reached under my arm and felt the lump again. I flinched at the tenderness. Why today? Why not an off day when I can just sit in the bus?

“Hey, you’ve been real spacy today. What’s goin on in that head,” a guy from the crew asked. What was his name again?

“Uh, nothing. I’m fine.” He raised an eyebrow but dropped the subject. I looked over to the leader and security was escorting a guy who I assumed was tying the wire out of the venue. It happened sometimes. Someone isn’t qualified, but they get hired anyway and a few days later, they get fired for not doing things right.

“Sometimes I think they need to fire the person doing the hiring,” the guy continued.

“No kidding,” I agreed. A beat passed before I returned to checking wires.

“Hey so… would you want to, like, go out sometime?” I didn’t fully hear him at first. I had spaced out, wondering when I could hang out with the guys again. They always made me feel better on my off days. “Y/N?” I shook myself out of my trance and turned toward the guy. Still couldn’t remember his name.

“Sorry, I’m not really looking for a relationship right now. But I’m flattered.” I went to walk away but of course he wasn’t going to make it that easy.

“Why though? What’s going on that’s so important?” I sighed heavily.

“It’s not really any of your business. I’m not interested.” I crossed my arms and glared. He looked like he was going to say something else, but the leader called him over. Apparently, his name was Jake. Not that it really mattered.

-

The rest of the day went without much problem. Except for the muscle right under my arm aching periodically. I reached to touch the spot lightly again, hoping that would help. No such luck but I needed to try.

“Hey, where you wandering off to?” I turned toward the voice. Patrick stood with his hands in his pockets. I smiled and shrugged.

“No where really. Just around. Not like there’s much else to do unless you all need something changed in setup.” He nodded and seemed to notice my hand holding my side.

“You alright?” I immediately stood up a bit straighter.

“Yea no problem!” He seemed skeptical.  _Please just drop it like the other guy…_

“If you have something you need to talk about, don’t be afraid to come to me,” he said sweetly. I smiled at him.

“Thank you, Patrick. But I’m ok, I promise.”

“If you insist. Well, then come hang out with me and the guys for a bit,” he said. I nodded and followed him excitedly. Or I pretended to be. The annoying little lump was bothering me. But they didn’t need to know all the little problems in my life.

-

It just got worse over the next couple days. Lifting things was becoming more difficult than normal. I couldn’t touch my breast without pain. I had to stop hanging out with the guys because I was so tired. At this point I just wanted the tour to be over so I could get this damn thing cut off.

A knock came from the bus door. Me and the couple other girls in the bus shared a look. Jess stood and moved to see who it was. Her eyes widened as she fiddled with her hair. What in the world? She opened the door and smiled at whoever was on the other side.

“Hi, Patrick! What do we owe the pleasure?” My eyes darted to the door. Why was he here?

“So sorry, for the intrusion. I’m actually looking for Y/N. She here?” Jess cleared her throat and moved out of the way.

“Uh, yea. Come on in.” I blushed and stood quickly. I tried to not publicize my friendship with the band. Didn’t need to make enemies. He only stood in the doorway for a moment before I tried to hurry him out.

“I’m here, but why don’t we talk outside, I could use some fresh air anyway.” He seemed confused at first but didn’t fight me as I pulled him out of the bus. We took a few steps away on the off chance the girls opened a window to try and eavesdrop.

“Sorry to force you out like that, I just don’t want everyone knowing that I’m friends with you guys. Just to make my life easier.” He nodded in understanding.

“That’s fine. I’m more concerned about why you just up and disappeared. We’ve missed you the last couple days.” I ran a hand through my hair.

“Yea, sorry. Just a lot going on. It’s been busy. You know a people keep getting fired so we all have to pick up the slack,” I said, shrugging.

“But, see I feel like there’s more to it than that. You haven’t been yourself.” I rolled my eyes and tried to laugh it off. The stretching made my side hurt, making me flinch. “Please talk to me if it’s something serious.” I unconsciously reached for the lump. I realized and tried to play it of as though I was scratching my shoulder.

“I know how easily you worry. And I promised I would tell you if something was wrong. Do you trust me?” Patrick thought for a moment and nodded. I sighed in relief.

“I do. But not right now. You’re keeping something. I don’t like pushing for information if you don’t want to give it but I and the rest of the band want to help you.”

I shook my head and bit my lip. They didn’t need this. It was only going to be hard for a little bit. I would get through this by myself. I felt a tear roll down my face. Damn emotions.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to cry… Y/N?” I walked over and hugged him. Even if he didn’t know about the cancer, he could still give amazing hugs. “Ok. I won’t force anything. But please. We can help you,” he continued.

“It’s cancer,” I mumbled into his chest. He pet my head slowly.

“What was that,” he asked?

“Breast cancer. That’s what’s wrong with me,” I said, pushing away from him and wiping my eyes. His widened a bit before he removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair.

“Wow. Um, I wasn’t expecting that.” I smiled sadly at him.

“Yea. You can’t exactly help with something like this.” He shook his head and pulled me back in for a hug.

“No. I can help with this. I can help with payments. I can be here for you.” I tried to protest but he just kept going. “Speaking of treatment, why are you here and not getting help? You should be getting treatments, not lifting a bunch of speakers,” he said, looking genuinely worried.

“I just… don’t want my life to stop because of this. If I die, I want to have really lived.” He stared at me and sighed.

“I get it. Sort of… But I don’t agree with the way you’re talking. You’re talking like your life is over and it’s not. You are going to get better,” he said confidently. I wanted to believe him. It was easier to believe him. But if he was wrong…

“Patrick…” He held up a hand.

“I don’t want to hear the negativity right now. You should tell the other guys too. They’re worried sick.” I shook my head.

“No. I feel bad just telling you. I don’t want all of you to think I’m weak. You have other things to deal with.” Patrick laughed without humor.

“If you think this is something they don’t want to know about then you’ve got a real awakening to go through. They care about you. They want to help. And telling people about it might not fix the problem, but it’ll help relieve some stress of keeping it all locked away.” I thought for a moment. Maybe he was right…

“I’m just so scared. I don’t want to die. And I don’t want to hurt people if things don’t go well. Limit the damage.” More tears spilled out of my eyes. This was the exact opposite of limiting the damage. I was pulling people into it.

“It’s understandable that you’re scared. But that’s ok because we will not leave you alone. We want to support you and see you get better. Besides, it’d be a shame if you never came on tour with us again.” I laughed a little. He always knew what to say. It had to be a gift of his.

“Ok… but promise me something,” I said slowly. He smiled warmly at me.

“I will be with you the whole time. I won’t leave you alone.” I nodded, and he took my hand, pulling me towards their bus.

-

The guys all jumped up when I stepped in behind Patrick. Pete and Andy hugged me with Joe offering a pat on the back. I was a bit surprised. I know we were friends and I was about to share the biggest problem in my life with them but for some reason I thought this friendship would only last the tour. It seemed I was wrong. That happened a lot these days.

“Welcome back dude. I told you guys Trick would get her back here,” Joe said. I smiled and rolled my eyes. My guess was that Pete was the original volunteer. That would have been a sight for the girls on my bus.

“Yea yea, we all know that Patrick is the one who’s good at talking to people,” Pete said. I think Patrick would argue differently but I agreed with him. Patrick nudged me forward a bit while the other three were bantering.

“Um… Guys?” The banter continued. I hated this. This wasn’t a good idea. Look how much fun they’re having. Did I want to ruin that?

That’s when Patrick grabbed my hand. I looked over to him and that smile that lit up his face put me at ease. He was still here. And they wouldn’t leave me either.

“Hey,” I called. The three boys stopped and looked at me, question resting on their faces.

“What’s up Y/N,” Andy asked? Another squeeze from Patrick.

“I just want to tell you guys something.” They shared a look between each other.

“Well shoot,” Pete said. I took a deep breath, bracing myself if this somehow went wrong.

“I uh… I’m sorry, first of all… about kind of going AWOL. It’s just… I’ve been dealing with some medical stuff. And I want to tell you guys. You deserve to know, as my friends,” I said. They seemed worried but none of them spoke.

“I have breast cancer. It’s still early so not too much danger but I’m still scared. I wanted this to be the last thing I did in case I… in case I never leave the hospital. In case I don’t make it. I just wanted to live without people pitying me. And if I never see you again after this…”

“Stop. Don’t say that. No goodbyes. Only, ‘see you later.’” I looked over at Pete in surprise. He smiled at me. “We are here for you. We can help with whatever you need. You don’t need to suffer alone.” Andy and Joe both nodded in agreement. I felt my eyes fill with tears again. God, what was wrong with me? I feel like I’ve been crying all day.

“We’re your friends. And friends help each other,” Andy added.

Patrick wrapped an arm around my shaking shoulders. I didn’t realize what good friends I had made with them. They were so reliable. Why didn’t I trust them with this again? They all stood around me and crushed me in a group hug. I laughed through my tears.

“You don’t have to worry about anything except getting better. And I promise you will,” Patrick said again. I did believe him. The doctor did tell me that positive thoughts would help.

“Thank you. All of you.”


End file.
